Everyone’s favorite blog post series is here again for a limited time. Read it while it’s hot! This time, the post has everything: butt plugs, Tom Cruise’s front tooth, dengue fever, a parody Twitter account run by a failed politician, melted Spiderman ice cream, and a human stove (that thing of where you hire a midget to rub his hands together for hours and place them on top of raw food.) It’s gonna be a wild ride.
First stop: A Shanghai Shark’s Game
I’m not much of a sports fan myself, and I’ve never been to an NBA game. (Although I have been to a few NCAA games as an undergrad.) Still, I knew that a CBA (Chinese Basketball Association) game would be well worth dropping 100 kuai on. It did not disappoint.
Nearly every major Chinese city (and some provinces as well) has its own team. You’ve got the aptly named Beijing Ducks, the Liaoning Flying Leopards, the Tianjin Gold Lions, the Jiangsu Monkey Kings, etc. The cream of the crop, however, is right at our doorstep: the Shanghai Sharks. Owned by former player Yao Ming, the Sharks are made up of mostly Chinese players along with a small number of NBA retirees. Despite the renown of its owner, the team plays on a court no more impressive than you’d find at a really nice American high school. The court itself is part of the large Yuanshen Stadium complex in Pu Jersey. When I went to a Sharks game for a date, we (my date and I) spent most of the first quarter wandering frustratedly around the stadium searching for the unmarked entrance. Once we finally got there, we realized we had to go all the way back to the main entrance to buy tickets. (It was that or overpay a scalper for a ticket.) After all the hassle, the Sharks didn’t even win! They lost to the blasted Sichuan Blue Whales. The Sichuan Blue Whales for Christ’s sake!
Was it a weird experience? Oh yeah. Would I go back? Definitely.
From the outset, I was inclined to like the Sharks. I mean, naming a team after my favorite aquatic animal wins them points in my book. Then you have their logo which looks like it was designed in the 90s and never updated. Just my style!
Their commitment to the name doesn’t stop there. Just look at this oversized inflatable shark hanging from the ceiling:
And then there’s the mascot who’s much more Left Shark than it is that one female shark at the Seoul aquarium that ate her mate because he kept bumping into her.
If you go here on a date, you definitely won’t be the only laowai in the crowd. The vibe is pretty heavily “young Pudong family,” but the laowai herd is much more “young, dad-bod, and douchey.” Not unwelcome was the commentary from a group of American guys a few rows back. “Number 52, YOU SUCK!” they shouted on end at a Sichuan Blue Whale who dominated the court. “Hey 52, guess what, you STILL SUCK!” they continued after he had been benched.
Even the emcee was a white dude. His Chinese was pretty decent, but he mostly just had to say, “上海队加油!” (Shang1hai3dui4 jia1you2 – Come on, Team Shanghai!) a bunch of times.
If you don’t go for the sports, go for the food: 10 kuai beers and 20 kuai popcorn (the Chinese caramel-covered style, not real popcorn.)
Ultimately, go here on a date because the Sharks could use more fans to fill out the stadium and shout “加油” a little more enthusiastically.
If I’ve thoroughly convinced you, you can buy your tickets for their last game of the season here.
Next Stop: Qibao
Let’s face it, there’s really no topping a Shanghai Sharks Game. It’s basically the Super Bowl of dates. (Look, I made another sports reference!) But if you want something a little blander, try Qibao.
Qibao, a small water town in Minhang, is a convenient getaway from the big-city vibes of Shanghai without having to actually leave Shanghai. It even has its own stop on Line 9. Think of it as a poor man’s Suzhou.
You and your date can wander the canal-side streets, buying up some of the most diverse street foods you’ll find in all the city. It’s a little kitschy, but not in a catering-to-laowai-only kind of way.
If you and your SO have been feeling particularly sinful lately (wink, wink I guess?), there’s a Catholic church nearby where you can atone. Nothing says romance like confessing your impure thoughts!
And Finally: Take your date to a board game café.
Board game cafes are all over the place in Shanghai. You can find a whole clump of them in the Hobby Mall (which Smart Shanghai recently did a nice write up on), or you can go to a lone café elsewhere. I recommend this one place whose name I forget that I think is on the corner of Xietu Lu and Lingling Lu in Xujiahui. The café has a real name, but it just says “Café Board Game Coffee Wifi” on the outside, which is pretty accurate. For a flat rate of 35 kuai/person, you can post up there for hours, enjoying their wide selection of games, most of which are in Chinese. The staff don’t mind if you bring in outside food/drinks or get food delivered while you’re there. There’s also an assortment of coffee, hot chocolate, and juices that are all free. The café is open 24 hours.
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All right folks, that’s all for now. Sorry I didn’t live up to my promise of including butt plugs, Tom Cruise’s middle tooth, et al. I guess you’ll just have to tune in next time.
This post is the third in a series.
Next week on the blog: How the hell do I create custom stickers on Wechat?
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